How can I be a good biblical friend?
Be Proactive
"We love, because He first loved us." 1 John 4:19
True biblical friendship reflects and imitates God’s love. Love responds not to how others treat us, but to how God has loved us. God is the One who initiated a friendship with us! In fact, He loved us even while we were still sinners and despised Him. It can be easy to think, “Why aren’t other people good friends to me?”, but we encourage you to ask yourself…“Am I a good friend?”
True biblical friendship reflects and imitates God’s love. Love responds not to how others treat us, but to how God has loved us. God is the One who initiated a friendship with us! In fact, He loved us even while we were still sinners and despised Him. It can be easy to think, “Why aren’t other people good friends to me?”, but we encourage you to ask yourself…“Am I a good friend?”
When we catch ourselves thinking…
Instead, we can…
“Why won’t anyone be my friend?” →
Ask a sister to do an activity she loves together! Be the first one to initiate spending time together! You can also be the first one to say, “Hi!”
“I’m tired of being the first to reach out.” →
Invite a sister to do errands with you, share what you are learning, and pray for each other!
“I don’t want to open up.” →
Be the example of transparency by sharing your struggles, praises, and prayer requests first!
“It’s too hard.” →
Take initiative to get to know others and have the right attitude of desiring to make new friends no matter how hard it may seem. God created us to be relational beings and we need friends!
“People are too busy.” →
Persevere in reaching out to others and be patient as you try to schedule time to spend together. Friendships are worthwhile and take initiative to make time for them!
Taking initiative can be intimidating at times. It means putting yourself out there, taking risks and potentially getting hurt. Rather than giving up or making excuses, we can keep being proactive and be a good and loving friend to others. We can put ourselves out there, pray, trust God, and see how He works in our friendships.
Be Patient
"Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous;" 1 Corinthians 13:4a
True biblical friendship reflects the character of God. As we consider the patience and kindness of God in His steadfast love towards us (2 Peter 3:9, Romans 2:4), we can be patient to continue to love others despite difficulties or challenges.
True biblical friendship reflects the character of God. As we consider the patience and kindness of God in His steadfast love towards us (2 Peter 3:9, Romans 2:4), we can be patient to continue to love others despite difficulties or challenges.
What if we don’t get along or they don’t reciprocate right away?
- In the world, people often form friendships over shared common interests, experiences, life circumstances, or their season of life. While bonding over similar interests is not wrong, biblical friendship is not dependent on these things. These things are momentary and fleeting compared to the unity God has given us through Christ! When God saves us and frees us from sin, He not only gives us a new life in which we are now able to worship Him, but also puts us into His body, the church. Rather than focusing on earthly things that can divide us, we can remember how we have been saved by the same and only God, have been given the same Holy Spirit, and have been adopted into His family!
- If you are finding it hard to build a friendship with someone, instead of giving up on them, be encouraged that any two Christians can be biblical friends because they both have been saved by the gospel, are new creatures in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17), and are united in Christ. It isn’t outward commonalities that strengthens a biblical friendship, but the joy of knowing and worshiping the same God and being part of the same family. So, share with other women about the things you are reading and applying from God’s Word and ask them what they are reading and applying in their lives! Invite a sister to pray with you for your church’s ministries and events or to visit a fellow church member together!
What if they reject my friendship?
- When forming a friendship is harder than you thought, it can be tempting to respond emotionally by dwelling on feelings of disappointment, anger, resentment, or self-pity. You might even be tempted to avoid them or reject them back. Instead, let us respond biblically by dwelling on God’s never-ending patience and love for us! Consider how God chose to save us and reconciled us to Him through Christ even though we rejected Him and were His enemies (Romans 5:10).
- "Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary. So then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, and especially to those who are of the household of the faith." Galatians 6:9-10
- We can also endure in doing good to our friends without getting weary and entrusting what you do and the results to God. We don’t have to be discouraged or impatient, but rather, we can be long-suffering towards others and consistently make an effort to reach out. Pray for them and trust the Spirit to work in their lives. Don’t lose hope or give up. Keep being a biblical friend to others. To help you get started, here are some practical ways to keep doing good to others:
- Reach out to a sister and ask for her prayer requests and pray with her.
- Share with a sister your application from a recent sermon and what you’ve been reading from God’s Word.
- Rejoice with your friends by sharing how God has answered your prayers and their prayers!
- Point others to how He is sovereignly and graciously ordaining events in your life to grow you in your love for Him and point out how God is working in their lives! God is always working for His glory and our good (Romans 8:28).
What if someone wrongs me?
- Consider how God is “compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in lovingkindness and truth” (Exodus 34:6b), and how He shows patience to sinners like us that they should come to repentance (2 Peter 3:9). We live because of the patience, grace, and mercy of God! Meditating on God’s gracious patience with us can help us to extend that patience to others through:
- Persevering in bearing with their weaknesses and serving them, trusting that unity with believers comes from God (Romans 15:5).
- Encouraging them with God’s Word with discernment of their spiritual state in order to strengthen them in Christ (1 Thessalonians 5:14).
- Imitating God’s grace and forgiving them, just as Christ has forgiven you (Colossians 3:12-13).
- Ask God for help to love that friend instead of focusing on how they sinned against you. If your friend is also a believer, consider God’s grace in the situation. Christ has died for our sins, and we have been forgiven. God does not count that sin against them any more and does not define them based on that one sin. Neither should we! We should also refrain from going around to the general public and gossiping about our sister’s sin, but seek to cover their sin in love (1 Peter 4:8). Covering sin doesn’t mean that you approve of it or will always hide it but it does mean we don’t go around telling everyone what our friend did to us. However, note that it is loving to share with church elders how others are struggling as the elders have been entrusted by God to care for the church.
- Not only should we imitate God’s patience when our friends wrong us, we should also forgive like God forgives. 1 John 1:9 tells us that God is gracious to forgive us our sins when we come to Him in repentance and ask for forgiveness. That is the type of forgiveness we should have when others wrong us. It is a forgiveness that starts in the heart and is characterized by compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience as we see in Colossians 3:12. Forgiveness is a choice and a willingness to humbly reflect God’s character and His forgiveness. It is a willingness to not hold people’s sins and wrongdoings against them anymore, and we choose not to bring it up anymore. You can make the choice to forgive your friend.
Be Prayerful
"Christ Jesus is He who died, yes, rather who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who also intercedes for us." Romans 8:34b
True biblical friendship trusts in the power of God. Consider Jesus’ example in praying for His friends (John 17) and how He even now graciously intercedes on our behalf (1 John 2:1). How much more can we ask God for His help to be a friend to others! We can follow His example by praying consistently and following up on prayer requests! We can be confident that God hears our prayers and will answer us.
"This is the confidence which we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests which we have asked from Him." 1 John 5:14-15
We can also trust in God’s character. God took initiative to love us, is patient with us, and is fully in control. God has perfect character and perfectly knows each and every one of us! He attends to the prayers of the righteous (1 Peter 3:12) and is always working things out for good to those who love Him (Romans 8:28)! That means that praying to Him for your friends is actually the best way to care for them!
To help you in your pursuit of being a prayerful friend, we came up with a 10-day prayer challenge below! These prayer topics are not exhaustive, so continue to seek God for help and guidance on being a friend who follows His example.
True biblical friendship trusts in the power of God. Consider Jesus’ example in praying for His friends (John 17) and how He even now graciously intercedes on our behalf (1 John 2:1). How much more can we ask God for His help to be a friend to others! We can follow His example by praying consistently and following up on prayer requests! We can be confident that God hears our prayers and will answer us.
"This is the confidence which we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests which we have asked from Him." 1 John 5:14-15
We can also trust in God’s character. God took initiative to love us, is patient with us, and is fully in control. God has perfect character and perfectly knows each and every one of us! He attends to the prayers of the righteous (1 Peter 3:12) and is always working things out for good to those who love Him (Romans 8:28)! That means that praying to Him for your friends is actually the best way to care for them!
To help you in your pursuit of being a prayerful friend, we came up with a 10-day prayer challenge below! These prayer topics are not exhaustive, so continue to seek God for help and guidance on being a friend who follows His example.
